Today I watched a documentary about a man from Macomb County, which is about 40 minutes away from where I grew up. He killed his wife because she went on to many business trips (and was also the breadwinner soo.. the trips probably needed to happen), then he chopped up her body, and put her in a storage container in his garage, all the while pleading on the local news for people to help find his wife/ saying she was a shitty mother for traveling so much. (no, I don't get it either).. the police caught on because the dude was a total psycho. While they were searching his house he drove his bright yellow dodge ram truck to a place near by where I went to college and hiked into the woods to "kill himself" which, to this man, meant laying under a tree in the woods getting a less than severe case of hypothermia until he was apprehended by police.
It makes me glow with pride to see somewhere so close to my hometown on MSNBC for something so.. umm.. well..... it's something, anyway.
This got me thinking.. I wonder when I'm going to see this girl:
on a similar MSNBC story.
This little treat is Ashley Snowden. I went to school with her for.. 7 years, she also grew up in Port Huron. You can imagine my surprise when one day around Christmas of last year (2007) I opened up the local newspaper to see her on the front page with this attractive gentleman:
John Gonzales.. This man also lived in Port Huron, but I didn't go to school with him because, as you can see, he is old as fuck.
Ashley and John made a happy home in the.. not so nice part of Port Huron.. and by happy little home I mean Ashley selected her mate knowing he had a criminal record. He was arrested in 1997 and convicted of three counts of sexual misconduct for having sex with a minor and was also arrested in October 2007 for child neglect and felony battery to a juvenile. I know that when I'm thinking about getting freaky with someone not only is it attractive if they're old as shit.. I also get pretty horny when I think about them screwing minors and beating children. Oh baby, you're making me wet.
Things went terribly wrong in this happy little house when John decided to bash Ashley's 18 month old child's head in around 2005.
I know what I would do if someone killed my kid. Dress him up in a tuxedo, sleep with his corpse for a while, then encase his body in cement and put him in a storage container (the only reason I can think of that these people are so into storing bodies in plastic storage containers is that they are pretty cheap at wal-mart-- and these folks are all clearly proud wal-mart shoppers)... oh no, wait.. that isn't what I would do, that is what Ashley did.
She, of course, stayed with this winner of a man long enough to up and move to Indiana where someone tipped off the police that there was a toddler covered in cement in a storage container living in happy little home 2.0, Indiana version, with Ashley and John. What I would really like to know is how anyone found that out.. Was someone at her house "Oh let me show you family photos.. *open container*.. WHOOPS! oh that... that's... nothing." ??
Two years later, the police drug this lovely couple back to Port Huron to stand trial and now Ashley is in prison for 5 and a half to 15 years. It's really good to know that if I ever get sick of my children I can just bash their skulls in, put them in a tomb of cement, toss them in a wal-mart storage container and get three squares and a roof over my head for 5 and a half years. Tragically, if Ashley gets out in 5 and a half, she will be a whopping 28 years old.
That seems like a pretty reasonable penalty for being party to killing an 18 month old baby and hiding the body for a few years..
oh, and did I mention that when the Indiana police came a-knockin' John picked up the couple's two year old daughter, ran into another room and said to the cops "I have a knife. I have a child. Back off."
Welcome to Michigan, people.
Makes me so proud it brings tears to my eyes.
3 comments:
LOL "Here, this is our family photo albu- Oops! Wait that's just our toddler playing with cement in that plastic storage container. She only LOOKS decomposed."
You're right, this is somewhat like Sidecar Sally, but your voice is still your own. Keep up the good work.
p.s. How's the herb in Ireland? As green as everything else?
Lollercopter!
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